Ok, so here’s the thing – when it comes to fashion, there’s probably no person alive that hasn’t made a mistake at some point. Yes, that includes Anna Wintour too… although we’ve never managed to catch that mistake, but hey, we will someday, Anna… we will!
When it comes to gay fashion, there’s a global expectation that all gays have an inborn sense of fashion and style which, in all honestly, simply isn’t true. Just like not all heterosexuals can change a tire, fix a fridge or do plumbing; all gays can’t put together a decent outfit. Over the years, we have had the opportunity to see too many faux pas moments walk the streets and we kind of hope we won’t have to deal with those again, anytime soon.
Highlighting, bleaching or frosting your hair is a huge no-no for every guy who’s got at least a little bit of self-respect. A nice hairdo on a guy is great and it should never include the above-mentioned. Style things up, follow trends, come up with your own, personalized do… just don’t look like a girl (no offense!) who’s got her hair done at a low-budget salon. Also, if you’re naturally a blond, don’t fake it – pride on your blonde locks.
We simply have to quote the brilliant Larry David on this one… “You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.” So true! Plus, even though there was a trend with the sunnies inside, it was a mistake and the ‘80s will always remember it as such. Also, last time we checked you are not a celebrity, nobody cares who you are and the flashes don’t hurt your eyes, so… get a grip, please. Remove the sunnies and keep your dignity intact.
Before you decide to put a ring on that pinky finger, let’s discuss your level of self-respect, shall we? Oh, you are right – even that wouldn’t work! So, with this particular accessory, what exactly are you telling us about yourself? You feel a kinship to pimps, fur coats, Vegas, drug dealers, silk shirts, mobsters and Liberace. If that’s your life-focus, okay. Just please understand this look is very limiting. And you’ll also never have sex, btw.
The era of too-tight-everything is long gone and this is your opportunity to shine in something elegant and classy, especially if you’ve got a decent job. Throw away your polyester shirts that emphasize the abs and embrace pants, shirts and suits that leave something to the imagination. No, we’re not saying wear two sizes larger than you are. Rather, wear fitted clothes. Also, when the opportunity arises, turn to custom mens suits – they’re your ticket to always looking smart and polished.
No matter how cool or metal you are, those leather pants belong in the trash. Unless you are Lenny Kravitz. Then you are good to go. However, even then, you shouldn’t overdo it. Trust us, it’s time you rethink your fashion choices whenever they’re based on leather. Remember, leather should only be worn in accents.
Are you Kanye? No? Okay, then. We’ve sorted that one out. Take that fur coat off and give it to your sister, mom or grandmum. They’ll either wear it to show off or use it to make a lovely throw for the bed.
Overly shaped and manicured eyebrows are acceptable only if you’re a part-time drag queen. Or Joey in Friends (that one time). We absolutely know how important it is to have well-kept eyebrows, just don’t overdo it. Mono brows are forbidden, too. Keep your brows combed and groomed, that’s all it takes.
Even though it was difficult to single out just 7 of those this-hurts-my-eyes moments, but we can’t stand by without calling the Fashion Police. Just remember to keep it cute. Although some are urging us to “make American fem again,” we have to draw the line somewhere.
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